Is this how it feels?

Is this how it actually feels?

Is this how it feels when you are seriously gaining weight n losing the silhouette you used to have but you can do nothing besides watching it helplessly?

Is this how it feels when you recall all the glorious moments your brain used to give you but now, you are nothing near success and the brain itself is just a piece of a degenerated organ?

this is how it feels.

this is how it feels when the past cannot be traded with the present and tommorow seems so uncertain.

a state of helplessness,a state of despair.

this is how it actually feels.

random thought - a middle-aged man's words

recently, i overheard a man saying something..
i feel it is quite true
and it gives some sort of motivation to people who actually listen to it

it went like this ...

in this world,there are 3 types of people

type 1 : make things happen

type 2: watch things happen

type 3: dunno what is happening

which type of people defined u? whichever is your type,

try to be the one who makes things happen =D

definitely a good piece of advice to digest and absorb into the mind

cheers!

goodnite to you,nightmare!

*a very very long post*



during the whole month of july 2010,
i could not recall how many times i had these things chasing after me in my nightmares..
almost every night i think
but this is the most vivid one.

it was as if all of a sudden i landed in a strange,alienated area...
somewhere i have nvr been there yet in my life
somewhere on the street which look as if war has just occured.
with corpses lying in every part of the street..
loud screams everywhere...i dunno what is happening..
heard foot steps n noises behind me..
slowly i turned my head around..
gosh...
seriously gosh...what on earth are these?!

zombies...estimated bout 40 or more of them..
they were biting and chewing on people..


arent them supposed to be part of the myths?
like the other creatures? werewolves,vampires or mermaids?
they really existed??


tearing some people apart..enjoying their meal...
and they're coming nearer n nearer to me..

shit...

i was so scare..they were coming fast!
and without me realising...something grabbed me..urm,my arms!

closed my eyes tightly..
thinking 'shit...this is really dying..pls do it fast.pain free plssss'

waited few secs...
tick tock tick tock tick tock..
nope nope.i didnt hear tick tock tick.
i heard lup-dup,lup-dup,lup-dup (my own heart beats)
and all the background noises seemed to be screened for that few secs..

waited...


and waited...



eh?? really pain free??
i dont even know they are biting...
no feeling of me being bitten..how come? really pain free meh???
opened my eyes..n looked back..

i saw him..

















within that first 0.0001 sec,i feel.....wow...so handsome wei...
it was him who grabbed my arms n locked himself around me..
walao...hard-to-earn chance..
havent been admiring his handsome look enough....
i saw a zombie vigorously placed his teeth on his right shoulder...
without the slightest hesitance,that creature sank his teeth into his rather fair flesh and tore it.



omg..



NO!!!!

he smiled at me (heart-melting) ...i heard him whispered 'it's okay'
others were surounding us from all directions..
forming a huge circle that was getting smaller and closer to us
suddenly...
that zombie was having...urgh...some sort of muscle spasms...
and it erupted like he has just swallowed a bomb..



i was dumbfounded.
and i looked at his wound on the shoulder
surprisingly,it has stopped bleeding..
and...apa ni?? the flesh regrow itself?
and the wound healed like it havent been bitten before!

'who are u??' i asked.

he didnt answer my question. pulling my hand n start forcing through the zombie crowd.
some zombie stepped backwards after seeing the eruption that happened.
n we were running....with them walking like dead bodies behind..chasing us,still.
hiding behind a corner of an old building..
i was gasping for air..and looking at him..


slowly,my eyes moved from his face ---> his neck ---> his throat ---> his chest


and....





wait!


his chest was not moving.he was NOT breathing..what the??
n he told me something...i couldnt hear it..
but i could see it..from a bird's eye view..as if it happened right in front of me

in a very clean laboratory...
i could see 4 persons...
he was sitting on the bed,wearing white..
the others in light green lab coat,with masks n gloves on.
they injected something into him.something in liquid form.
and beside the bed,there was a machine.sort of recording his heart pulses pattern..
suddenly he was screaming...like he was suffering from some trauma..
the fellas in green look scared.
and machine showing his heart beats keep dropping...


they were panicked.. and they injected another liquid thingy into him.

he seemed to be less struggling and then,returning normal.

but something odd was happening.his pulse is zero.pulse of a dead person.

the 3 green fellas looked at each other n one of them tried to fix the machine.
thinking the machine might spoilt.he cant be dead.he was looking at them n looked normal!

*phanggg!* the glass door was broken.

those zombie-looking fellas came rushing into the room n did what zombies did best.
they killed the 3 green-coated fellas,leaving that guy behind.
looking into his eyes now,i could tell how afraid he used to be in that lab,equal to my fear just now.
and another scene came flashing through my eyes again.
that guy.didnt leave the lab.did not make a move to get down from that bed.stoned.and the dead bodies of the 3 green-coated fellas were on the floor.

an hour or so has passed,the 3 green fellas opened their eyes n began to get up turning into zombies (very similiar to the resident evil that i have watched)
they walked out from the lab,so did the guy..he was following behind them

confused n didnt know why the zombies didnt attack him.
he could not believe his eyes,he saw the streets full of zombies

the town was dead.

n there,he wandered for about 3 days when he finally felt hungry..

he got himself some can food that can be consumed directly,ate it..but before he could finish them, he felt so terrible.feel as though he swallowed some kind of poison.n he vomited whatever food he ate,ill for the next few days..

he could not understand.what was happening to him?

...until he walked pass a few zombies who were eating a half-dead dog on the street.

he felt hungry.it was like he has a strong urge to share the bites. and so he did.he felt satisfied the moment he tasted the blood.the flesh.until...the dog finally died.

he cant eat anymore when the living thing is dead.or else he got ill.
now,he realised,he was no longer a normal human anymore.some type of weird creature and that the experiment he participated turned him into who he is now.

it must be that experiment..and from there he wandered..belonging to half zombie n half human type of species.

or should i say,the appetite of a zombie n the mind of a human.

a sudden loud noise knocked me off from those scenes that were flashing in front of my eyes.
the zombies..they have arrived.
without wasting any further time,he pulled me n we start running again.for my life.

we ran into a field of long golden-yellowish color grass which was taller than me.

i lost hold of his hand when i were forcing my way through the grass that was blocking me.

i could not shout for him,afraid that the zombies know my wherebout.

plus,i dont even know his name.

finally,i managed to push my way out from the grass field.
shit.the sun was sinking into the horizontal line soon.sunset la tuu..
and i could see no building except for a..urm...shop? bakery? whatever.the only building i could see now.weird.
n the noises were getting nearer.no choice la..i ran into the shop's direction.
bang on the door..saw 2 persons (human-looking fellas) inside.
the older man walked to me,
i could him saying 'we are about the to close soon,miss'
it seemed like,he doesnt know bout zombie outbreaks??
heck care.i said 'pls...i just wanna borrow the washroom.pls.pls.im in a hurry'
i ran in n hid behind the shop,checking on the backdoor and the windows,particularly everything.
heard some noises outside,it should be those creatures.they saw the 2 men in the shop.

an evil plan was formed in my mind,when the zombies broke in and attacked them,i should ran from the backdoor,locked it the moment i am out,and go to the front door to lock it as well.

it might save me some time to search for that guy.for that he could save me,perhaps?i dont mind dying,but not being tore into pieces.nahhhh!!

and i have to keep the 2 men in the shop to lure the zombies into it before i could lock all of them inside.

evil,yes,i know.

the moment they forced their way into the shop.i ran out and locked the back door.


tadah! i woke up ady =)

whether or not that 2 men die,did i lock the front door,or did i managed to find that guy? unknown to me.

it just ended.abruptly.

definitely a dream is becoming true

having been always wondering,what will happen to my future and will my future dreams ever become a reality.

the future is fun because it is unknown.u can explore it.u can change it.

but the future is also dark n fearful,sharing the same reason,that is,it is unknown.anything could happen.

ur plans may fail,even the well-planned ones.

n most of the times,dreams remain as dreams.plain sweet dreams that are still constructing in your mind but nvr happen in real life.

do not fear to dream bout the future,even the near ridiculous ones, the impossible ones.not forgetting the dreams that being kept hidden underneath ur soul.

for sometimes,dreams being put into action might actually yield something..

for sometimes,luck will just srike u unaware of it,and ta-dah!! there go dreams becoming true.

xoxo,cheers and happy dreaming everyday <3

Is that considered as verbal harassment?

there is a problem that I have only encounter it so often after I came to Sunway city...
back in Taiping, it did happen to me but that was only once in the blue moon (sekali-kala dalam bulan yang biru)..

whenever I am walking on the side of the road and when there are cars passing by me, almost everyday, I can hear 'hey lenglui~' or 'pheeewwiittt~' or 'xiao jie, handphone number leh~',etc.

feeling annoyed.yes.obviously.feeling happy? no.no thanks.

not every guy did that.but a minority of them.i guess.or perhaps,majority?

oh well,I shouldnt keep that matter in my mind,as it does not interrupt with my life at all.I don't even know them.They don't even know me.

but,sometimes,I am really wondering.....WHAT IS IT IN THEIR MIND when they did that to the girls on the street?

hmph, WHAT ENCOURAGES THEM TO DO SO?

(1) it could be that they are feeling euphoria to see the annoyed face on each girl they disturbed

(2) they did it thinking that it's cool??

(3) simply fulfilling a guy's responsibilities to disturb girls they dunno on the street? (is that assumption ever existed?)

(4) some girls really responded to them before?

(5) to help to create higher self-esteem in some girls? (hahahaha..i'm getting nowhere now,what kind of reason is this ==''' as if they are doing charity~)

(6) to help themselves to boost their self-confidence?

another question in my mind, does the level of education these people received/maturity affects this behaviour?

maybe one day I should try interview these people.or squat by the roadside for one whole day to jot down the responses of the girls.one day when i have nothing better to do in my life.

or should i try to be the one who shouted 'xiao jie,ni hao ma?? (miss,how are u??)' next time.

hahahahahaha~~~

random thought - boobs

a random thought just hit my mind...

even if i m given a chance to have big boobs...

i will reject that offer....

due to 3 reasons....

(1) i will have to change all my current bras...cos they can no longer accommodate bigger boobs and therefore, i will have to spend alot of money

(2) big boobs,in short,nice to see,not nice to own.
big boobs means heavier front part and the backbone will have to provide greater strength to support the body...nah...i don't wanna to have backache for nth

(3) bigger boobs may look nice now when i am still young. but as i grow older n older,they become sucks as they are getting saggy..eeeee~

=) what a funny random thought.....

it's the GREED that we cant change

in this 2010 year,i had first done one very big charity
that is to buy a crocodile watch for a total stranger that i had first met on the night of 30th Jan and I don't think so I will ever meet him again in my life....

it costs me RM300,yes,it is Rm300...

my partner and I passed him the watch together with a warranty card,a box and a cashbill..
we did smile to him too,and he just left without paying,without us noticing....
he definitely knows about him not paying us,cause he just came back again with the cash RM300 after withdrawed them from the atm machine nearby.....

i thought my partner has accepted the money,and vice versa.

on 30th night,I had a dream.
all I remember seeing 'blue nails' in my dream...i only saw my very own blue-coloured nails...
nothing special.just blue nails.
I went through the dreams interpretation and it says 'To see nails in your dream, symbolizes long and hard work for little compensation and pay'...
hahaha....ya,i feel so actually...

today 31st Jan,my partner and I both paid rm150 each.
for him,a malay man and the father of 2 children.
my partner was cursing him with all possible curses...
like being diagnosed with fatal diseases,bad luck throughout the year,the watch spoil after 2 days,etc.........

and for me,honestly,I did not curse even once...
surely,it is not because I am so kind or whatsoever.....
but I just simply understand this is one kind of human's nature(greed) and very lazy to curse people...
i would say high percentage of people would not return the money to me and my partner...
i even lose my pendrive in Monash Uni's library,the so-called rich ppl Uni...making me really speechless..
so,i chose to forgive and forget...and pay the watch for him....hoping one day he will understand my mixed feelings when I found out about it....i was just dumbfounded for 2 hours.

=) to my cousins who might accidentally read this blog,keep it silence and away from my parents and your parents okay?thanks...it has passed...after all,I considered it as a charity...
some ppl may laugh at this blog post,thinking i am perfectly stupid,some may sympathize me,whatever la...

cheers!

the combination of Deathnote and Poker face

Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she`s got to love nobody)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she`s got to love nobody)


no doubt,this is the correct way of singing the chorus part of 'poker face' from Lady Gaga....
but nowadays I believe that I'm too into 'Deathnote'....
a japanese anime...

i hear and sing the song in a different way.....


Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my name and face
(shinigami open your eyes)
Can't read my, can't read my
No he can't read my name and face
(shinigami open your eyes)

in that anime, God of Death (better known as Shinigami) needs to recognize your face and name in order to kill you.....

guess i have been watching too much of it.......

well,fans of Deathnote,try listening the chorus again with this newly-renovated lyrics... =)

the argument over genuine and not-so-genuine leather

I overheard a funny conversation like this....involving A,B and C

A is the promoter for leather stuffs like purses and bags~
B and C are customers~

B: Is this real leather??
A: ya.it's real.
B: How do u prove that this is real leather???
A: Because this is a good brand and it doesnt sell fake leather pretending to be real.
B: who knows,maybe it does?
A: there's is no way I can prove it..if u trust me and trust this brand,i said it is real then it is
real leather!
C: I heard some of my friends said that if the leather is real,when u burn it,it cant be burned!
test it this way then...
A: why dont try burning your own skin?? i bet they are real if they dont burn as well =)

i was intrigued with the promoter...good answer! *clap hands* =)

如此女人世间少有~this rare typical type of woman~

currently working in a watch shop for part-time in this holiday and I came across something that really thrust my anger to the max! =)

the story goes this way....

a couple of man n woman in their 50's and their daughter who seem like a high school girl to me entered my shop....

woman : EH! u girl! come show me where is the KIKo watches....(pls note that that woman has
never smiled a little from the beginning till the end)
me : (smiled immediately to her and led the way to the KIko watches) here madam.....i'll
show u the place..

unfornately,KIKo watches are at the lowest shelves..because Rado and Dunlop watches are much more expensive,they deserve higher shelves..

woman : wah!!!!! so low....I don't wanna to bend down or squat...(and as she talked,she sat on
the chair nearby)

me : but all of them are at the lowest shelves....it's okay...u cant still stand and look down on the
watches...u can tell me which one u like and I shall take it out for u to see it clearer =)

woman : then,u take all the watches for me (damn her,there are more than 50 KiKO watches!)

me : (fine,i'll do as u like,since customers are always right,wondering who the hell who invented
this sentence!) madam,i'll take some to show u k? (trying to force a smile) =)

woman : oh really? i'm so paiseh to make u do so...(she's fake~)

her husband and daughter were really quiet throughout the whole converstion...and ya,she mentioned that she is living in taiping but nvr been to tesco taiping at all( NOT EVEN ONCE) for the past 2 years...and she's planning to purchase one KIKo watch for her standard 2 grandson..

daughter : mommy,can i own a watch too? (asking in a real low voice,i somehow managed to
hear it)

that woman nodded and she turned to ask me to choose one watch that suit her daughter.why cant she let her daughter to choose it by herself but ask me to choose for her? not as if i will know exactly what she likes...
as usual,i asked which characteristics of watch that she likes.

surprisingly,she picked a BARBIE watch!!!! she is in high school,im sure of it and she doesnt seem like having down syndrome....guess she didnt being exposed much to the outside world and thus,doesnt know that barbie watches are too childish for her anymore...(trust me,those barbie watches are even too young for a primary school children)....

it is a long story...

bla~

she said this is the first time she came to this shop,so we should give her higher discounts...she said WE MUST give...as to welcome her or whatsoever...

bla~

her daughter was looking around,everywhere,as if she has never seen the world yet...

bla~

that woman has finally decided to buy 2 KiKO watches..one for her grandson,the other for her daughter...

while I was writing a cash bill,I saw her daughter is squatting down to look at those barbie watches (she didnt get to pick whatever she likes and didnt even dare to utter a single word of NO),suddenly her mum turn to look at here and shouted 'stand up!dont squat!'

i watched with my own eyes,she immediately jumped up...looking freaking scared...*smack on my forehead...pity her*

they then paid and left the shop....with this kind of mum,i bet soon she will have man-made mental retardation...and for that husband,he is simply too scared of her (at least i feel it)....and she is actually shouting at me (I considered it so)... =)

it's hard for me to put the whole thing into words but she is someone rare ( as in an idiotic woman!) =)

all the best and good luck to her family especially her daughter =)
may God bless you....
cause even if i shouted at my dogs,they are never so obedient,really...

we are really BAD in our language,dont't we?

remember the previous post where i could not spell elephant?
here's another incident to provoke your laughter.......

chiew bee,shu ying and liang yew in liang yew's car..
shu ying was looking the outside scenery through the window,daydreaming again,opps...no! she is a THINKER~

shu ying didnt pay much attention to conversation which was going on in the car,but she can roughly quote something like this.....

CB: (talking to LYO) ehh..u know CAPITAL-LAR???
LYO: what XXXXXX you are saying?

oh well,shu ying hear that and was thinking why chiew bee suddenly mention about capital...

CB: shu ying,u know ark...the CAPITAL-LAR?
SY: huh?? what you meant?
CB: nehh...the ulat hijau....
SY: ??????
CB: the butterflies' baby??? capital-lar?
SY: ohhhhhhhhhhhh~~~ CATERPILLAR!
chiew bee and liang yew both reliazed and laughed...*shu ying laughed as well =P *

CB: it's CATERPILLAR izit??? lolz~

haha....guess both me and chiew bee are having huge language problem...
can anyone pls help us to register for standard one?? to learn how to spell gajah and caterpillar? =P
my new year resolution : hope this is the last mistake we will ever make in our BM and english.. =)